Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
