why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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