There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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