i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
