and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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