Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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