please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
