Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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