drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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