I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
