Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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