hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
