is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
