I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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