new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
