i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize