Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
