I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize