I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't deserve a penis
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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