Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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