bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
