ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
