Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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