Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
