I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
