I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Found your dick twin last night
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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