my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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