i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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