he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My life is pants optional.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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