glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I want to make a zoo with you.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
