i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize