peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
