to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize