I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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