went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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