She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
