yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
