Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
