Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
