You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
