Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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