that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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