I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
