so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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