im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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