No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
