I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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