So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
