I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
