there's paper in my vomit.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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