mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
