Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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