fuck your aforementioned shoe
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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