He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
