wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
