the new term for farting is butt boxing.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I guess when the asshole said āI really miss you and want to get back togetherā he actually meant āIām banging a Hooters girl behind your back.ā
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
