morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
