ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
