how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
