My boss' voice literally gives me gas
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
