ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
