The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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