your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We left the knife in your bed.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
