I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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