walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
