I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
