btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
