i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
