Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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