She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
